Guilt
by Alasse Fefalas
Summary: Life without Sanzo from Goku's point of view. Chapter two uploaded. Last chapter.
1. Guilt

**Guilt**

**By: Sanzo-chan**

            I can't stand it any longer. The guilt of killing him...it's too hard. Hakkai and Gojyo tried to convince me that it isn't my fault but to no avail... I know that I killed him... I have to carry the guilt of killing him all around now. 

_I killed him with my own hands... how am I supposed live without him?_ Why did I do it? Was I really out of control? I was still able to control myself when I killed him... so... why did I really do it? I could sop myself so why did I do it?

Many questions flooded my mind. Only two days had had past after he died. I can't live without telling this story to anyone... so, please listen to my story. He was my friend, my father, _my master, and I am his pet saru._

FLASHBACK

'Sanzo, abunai!!!' I shouted from the other side of the room. Sanzo shot the five youkais that had been running towards him. I took out fifty of the youkais with Nyoyibou and saw Hakkai taking out several youkais with ki blast. Gojyo, on the other hand, took out his share of the youkais and asked, 'Are you guys done yet?' 'Does this look like we are done kono ero kappa!!! You got the least youkais!!!' I screamed at him. He just sighed and helped Hakkai, who got the most youkais. 

I didn't notice the youkai behind me who accidentally shot my limiter, instead of my head, making it break. I screamed in pain as I changed into my true form.

Seiten Taisen Son Goku. That was what people called me when I am in my true form. A ruthless killing monster, that was who I really was, almost unstoppable. Only one person can stop me, Sanzo. 

I ran towards Sanzo killing every youkai in sight. When I finally reached him, I hesitated a bit but I hit him. I felt hot liquid cover my hand that was in his body. I bit his right shoulder and he screamed in pain. He struggled to put his hand on my forehead and when he did, a new limiter formed on my head. Sanzo and I fainted at the same time, only Sanzo fainted because of loss of blood and I fainted because I couldn't stand the excruciating pain when I changed.

I woke up a few minutes later and found Sanzo lying below me. I rolled off him and shook him awake.

'Sanzo, wake up... don't leave me…' I whispered into his ear. Sanzo opened his eyes and looked into my golden eyes while I looked into his violet ones. I hugged him. I don't want to lose him. He was the only one who could understand me.

'Get off m-me...' he said. I did what he told me to do. I stopped hugging him and gestured to Hakkai to come. Hakkai and Gojyo had been leaving the two of us all by ourselves.

'Don't die yet...Sanzo...' I whispered into the monk's ear.

'I won't die yet... b-bakasaru...*cough* O-our mission i-is still n-not done y-yet... b-bakasaru…' Sanzo spluttered out. He died right then and there. I closed his eyes and cried my heart out. Soon, there were no more tears to shed.

Gojyo tapped my shoulder and said, 'Cheer up... we'll reach there soon.' I looked up at him and said, 'You'll never know!' With those words, I ran into the dark night.

END OF FLASHBACK

            I decided to write a letter although I know he won't reply. I took out a piece of paper and a pen and started writing. Finally, I finished my later. I re-read it.

            Sanzo,

                   I know you can't read this letter but I still feel the need to apologise to you...

          I loved you, I wanted you, but you left me. You are a liar. You said you won't leave me ever again. I forgive you for breaking the promise, so, will you forgive me, for all the things that I had done to you?

          I love you... sorry for all the hardships I had given to you…

                                                                                                                        Goku.

I rolled the piece of paper and walked to the top of the hill. There, was a grave, a grave that belonged to Sanzo. I dug it beside the grave and went back to my room.

DREAM SEQUENCE

_            Sanzo was sitting at the sofa and I walked over to him. He put down the newspaper that he was reading. He put out one hand and I took it without hesitation. I sat on his lap and stroked my hair. I blushed when he did this._

_            'Sanzo...'_

_            'Shhh... Listen to me, Goku...'_

_            I looked into his eyes that I longed for._

_            'Goku, I forgive you for all the mistakes that you had done... Here... keep this as a reminder of me... Don't lose it...' he whispered into my ear. He plucked some strands of his blond hair. I took them without question. Suddenly, he began to disappear._

_            'Sanzo! Don't go! I need you...'_

_            'Just look into your heart and you'll find me... I'll always be there...'_

END OF DREAM SEQUENCE

            I woke up the next morning and found that Sanzo's hair wasn't just a dream but was real. I kept in my pocket and never left anywhere without it.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

SC: WAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!! I killed Sanzo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All: O.o;;;;;;;;;;;

SC: WHAT?!


	2. Reincarnated

Reincarnated  
  
By: Sanzo-chan  
  
Warning: Lime!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ________________________________________________________________________  
  
It had been ten years after we had completed our mission. It was easy because I wanted revenge on Kougaiji. That b*****d. He made me change and kill Sanzo.  
  
I left them when the castle burnt. I journeyed out on my own looking for someone to help me make me sane when I changed but when they tried to help me, I tore them to bits. But, every time I killed someone, I tend to subconsciously put on my limiter back.  
  
Now, I am in a town, still looking for answers. I walked into a restaurant and ordered some food. I noticed a hooded man eating his food and looking at me at the same time. It was weird. I felt I had met him somewhere before. Although his face was hooded, I felt him smile. He motioned to the waiter and said something to him. The waiter nodded and walked over to me carrying some cash.  
  
'Sir, that man over there told me to give this to you,' he said. I hesitantly took the money and paid the cashier my bill and went out of the restaurant. I saw the man leaning against the restaurant wall as if he was waiting for someone.  
  
'Who are you, and why did you give me the money?' I asked him. The hooded man didn't say anything. He grabbed my hand and pulled my into the forest.  
  
'Where are you taking me?!' I asked him. I got my answer when he pulled a few feet more. It was a hut. He pulled me inside the hut and locked the door behind. I placed my hand on my limiter, threatening to take it off.  
  
'You're not going to do it again, are you, Goku?' he asked me. I looked at him, puzzled.  
  
Who are you... what do you mean by do it again... and... how do you know my name...?  
  
The man took off his hood and I immediately recognized him as: Sanzo. Now I understood the meaning of doing it again.  
  
I placed my hand on his face to see if I was seeing things. Sanzo put his hand on my hand. I blushed. Just feeling his hand again made me whole again.  
  
Sanzo... the person who left me is here again... but I thought he's dead...  
  
'What's wrong, Goku?' the monk asked me. I shook my head. I didn't want him to worry but I just felt the need to ask.  
  
'Sanzo... I thought you were dead... don't mistake me, I want you to be alive... I'm just curious... that's all...,' I said. He smiled at me. The first smile I ever received from him.  
  
'The gods gave me a choice... to go to Tenkai as Konzen or to return to Togenkyo as Sanzo. I choose Sanzo not because of the position... but to see you... Goku... aishiteru...' Sanzo replied.  
  
He kissed me. The move was a surprise move. I felt him unbuttoning my shirt. We moved towards the bed, still in the same position. When we reached the bed, I was top naked. It was my turn. I took off his robes and then took off his body suit, one by one. Soon, we were both top naked.  
  
I broke the kiss to gasp for air. I looked up at Sanzo... into his never changing violet eyes. He's changed. From a cold blooded killer to a caring person. I loved him like that...  
  
________________________________________________________________________  
  
SC: Errrr... let's not get too carried away...  
  
SC: This is for bleit and gohans yoyo. And thank for all those who reviewed my story!  
  
Sanzo: Too bad... I can't kill you now... you gave me life again...  
  
SC: Arigatou minna!! Thank you for supporting me!!!  
  
~OWARI~ 


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